If you were asked to make a list of the things that most people in this world want, one of the items they would probably desire is love, be it the affections of a spouse, the dependent love of a child, or the support of friends and family. The world has written countless songs of love, created companies that will find you love (for a fee), recited poems expressing the anguish of love, produced movies to watch when you're "in love," and trained therapists to help you "fall out" of love. Love is one of the most sought after commodities and simultaneously one of the least understood.
However, as our only rule for faith and life, Scripture is the Christian's source for understanding the subject of love, and Paul spells it out quite clearly in 1 Corinthians 13: "Love is patient, kind, does not envy, does not parade itself, is not puffed up, does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, keeps no accounts of evil, does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth, bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails." As a definition, this is all-encompassing. It is also a description and a set of standards.
Love is patient. As we look more closely, we are first told that love is patient. Remember that patience is one of God's attributes, which He Himself revealed to Moses when He proclaimed,
"The Lord, The Lord God, merciful and gracious, longsuffering, and abundant in goodness and truth, keeping mercy for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, and that will by no means clear the guilty; visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children, and upon the children's children, unto the third and to the fourth generation" (Exod. 34:6-7).
One who is exhibiting love from the heart is one who is long-suffering: slow to be roused to resentment and not quick to assert their own rights. This is a person who does not mind being inconvenienced and does not retaliate when he wronged. He is concerned for the welfare of others before himself. By way of example concerning the Lord's patience, Peter writes, "The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some count slackness, but is longsuffering toward us, not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance" (2 Pet. 3:9). If the Holy Creator is so infinitely patient with His rebellious creatures, even as He has revealed Himself to be, how much more should His children, who have His Spirit working in them, be patient with each other?
Love is also kind. Kindness, as motivated by biblical love, is not just a feeling of generosity, but is active in doing good deeds, for the well-being of others. The first test of biblical kindness should be our homes, giving up selfish, jealous and proud attitudes and adopting a spirit of loving-kindness. Our speech should be tempered with kindness, as the woman described in Proverbs 31:26, "She opens her mouth with wisdom; and on her tongue is the law of kindness."
This kindness should not stop when we leave our homes, but should overflow to all people that we meet, especially the people of the household of faith. Isn't this the very thing our Lord taught us when He declared, "But I say unto you, Love your enemies . . . do good to them that hate you . . . That you may be the children of your Father who is in heaven: for he makes his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love them who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors the same?"
Envy and parading oneself are two sides of the same coin and neither trait is demonstrated by biblical love. Love does not desire evil for others, nor wish for what others have. Love is always happy for what others have and is glad for the successes of others, even when it goes against his own. Reversely, we have all had conversations with someone who "one-ups" others, always knowing something more, having something better, or even feeling that they are worse off than everyone else. This, too, is a form of envy, wanting others to admire what we have or do.
Both envy and the parading of oneself are forms of pride, putting self first and others as less important. As Christians, God calls us to abandon our pride and clothe ourselves in humility, even as our Lord Jesus has done for us. Paul tells us in Philippians 2:3, 5, "Let nothing be done through strife or vain glory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than themselves. . . . Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus."
One of many applications concerning this subject can be in our consideration of God's gifts to each of us. Some people have been given many talents, others have been given a few abilities, and some have only been given one gift. Yet, we should not look at others' gifts and figure out how we are better than everyone else or how others' talents are less than our own. Rather, we should find ways that we can use our abilities in humble service for others.
Along with the theme of pride is the idea of being puffed up; or rather, not being puffed up. True biblical love is not arrogant, and therefore, is not conceited by its own knowledge and gifts or offended by correction and criticism. Love is not big-headed, but rather big-hearted! It chooses humility over rights. It chooses to remain silent, not needing to display knowledge, but opting to learn from others.
Love does not behave rudely. Often we think of good manners as something optional. Some people learn good manners, others not so much. However, Paul tells us here that acting rudely or unbecomingly is unloving. This includes carelessness, crudeness, being impolite or insensitive, and being overbearing. Love is gracious, both to fellow believers and to the world. How many opportunities for witnessing are lost because of the self-righteous disrespect of the Christian? In Luke 7:36-47, Christ shows us gracious good manners when he accepts the gift of foot washing from a sinful woman when others would have scorned her. Christ shows us humility and sensitivity in His dealing with this woman, whose reputation was less than honorable, but whose faith led her to seek Him.
In his commentary on 1 Corinthians 13, R. C. H. Lenski writes, "Cure selfishness and you have just replanted the Garden of Eden." Of course, selfishness will not be "cured" on this side of heaven, but the statement makes the point that all sin is caused by selfishness. Our first parents, Adam and Eve, rejected God's way to have their own. Seeking our own way is effectively putting ourselves in place of God and worshiping our own desires instead of glorifying Him. We see, then, that biblical love does not seek its own but looks out for the interests of others (Phil. 2:4) and is truly concerned about its neighbor, even as Jesus Christ, who "did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many" (Matt. 20:28).
Love from the heart is not provoked. To be provoked is to be aroused to anger. It is a sudden outburst of emotion, and includes being irritated and upset by things that are said or done. Being provoked does not include "righteous indignation," which is anger at contradictions to the Word of God. Instead, it is a personal slight and desire for retaliation because of a wrong suffered, whether real or perceived. Those who exemplify love from the heart will "be tender-hearted, be courteous: Not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing: but on the contrary blessing . . . . let him seek peace, and pursue it" (1 Pet. 3:8-9, 11). Love is not provoked, but as we have already seen, responds with patience and kindness.
Love keeps no accounts of evil. In other words, love is forgiving. We are to forgive others as God has forgiven us, which means that there is no record of our past sins. This is the lesson that Jesus teaches in Matthew 18 in answer to Peter's question of how many times he should forgive those who sinned against him. In this parable, a servant had been forgiven a tremendous debt, one which he could not repay in a lifetime. Instead of treating his fellow servants with the same type of mercy, the forgiven servant finds another individual who owes a small debt and demands that he repay his debt immediately. When the king learns of all that has transpired, he asks the servant who had been forgiven much, "Shouldn't you have had pity on others as I had pity on you?" The king then takes the servant and delivers him to the torturers until he could pay all. At the conclusion of this story, Jesus states, "So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if you from your hearts forgive not everyone his brother their trespasses."
Jesus makes the point that you and I have offended a holy God and owe a great debt that we could never pay. Yet, God has forgiven this debt "without any merit of mine, of mere grace, [by] granting and imputing to me the perfect satisfaction, righteousness, and holiness of Christ, as if I had never committed nor had any sins and had accomplished all the obedience which Christ has fulfilled for me." If God has loved us in this way, we also ought to love one another. For those who understand that their great offense before a holy God has been forgiven, will always forgive others and will never be bitter, for they will not allow the wrongs of others to remain in their memory.
Love is not spineless. This may not be exactly what Paul says in I Corinthians, but it is the spirit of "Love rejoices in the truth." Biblical love is not willing to ignore the truth for the sake of unity, as some unbiblical theologians would have us believe. Rather, love and truth go hand in hand as John reminds us, "My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth" (1 John 3:18).
William Burkitt, in his Expository Notes on the New Testament, wrote,
"[It is] as if he had said, ‘Let our deeds speak the truth of our love; sincere love is fruitful; true affection will put forth itself into action; it doth not rest at the tongue's end, but will be seen at the finger's end, rendering us laborious in works and offices of friendship; as faith, so love without works is dead; and as faith is justified by works, so is our love also.' "
In this same vein, love has control of the tongue. Gossip and slander do not rejoice in the truth and are, therefore, not marks of biblical love. The other side of this is that love does not rejoice in unrighteousness. Love takes no satisfaction from sin but always mourns over sin, as God Himself is grieved by such. Love does not enjoy watching others sin and never brags about or glories in past sin. We should mourn over sin as our Lord wept over the sins of Jerusalem in Matthew 23.
At the end of this list, we see the application of all that we have learned, "Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things and endures all things." Love covers over the faults of others and supports them in righteousness by doing what is needful to address another in love. Love is not suspicious or cynical but has confidence in God's work in a believer's life, always believing the best about others. Love hopes when belief is shattered and the waiting seems so long, remembering that our Heavenly Father is the One who is in control of all things and without His will they cannot so much as move. Love is steadfast, standing against overwhelming opposition, graciously undergoing even persecution. Love bears the unbearable, hopes when it seems hopeless and endures, never giving up.
Did I mention that love is not an option? The Bible tells us to "put on love" (Col. 3:13). Love, as defined by God's Word, is not something that we have naturally; nevertheless, it is something we are commanded to exemplify. Sound tough? Praise be to God that He has graciously provided not only the example for true, biblical love from the heart, but also the means to demonstrate it. Only by His grace to the believer can love be understood and acted out. "Love from the heart" is His gift to us, through His Spirit, if we have faith in Him. May we ever love Him and others out of gratitude for this gift!
